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No stalking please

I have said in numerous posts that it’s not a recruiter’s job to find you a job.

That’s your job.

And…this is something I feel strongly about:

It’s your career.

OWN IT.

To clarify: recruiters are paid to find the right person for a particular job, and the specific nature of the work that I do (known in the industry as “sourcing”) typically has me researching and seeking out people who are currently employed with a client’s competitor in a similar role.

Cartoon by Hugh MacLeod

Cartoon by Hugh MacLeod

While I can’t help you find a job – because, you know, I’m kind of busy earning a living so I can pay my own bills, after all – I want to help.

So, I’m starting an ongoing series in which I will profile job seekers on this site in an effort to provide them with a place to clearly articulate what they do well and what type of opportunity they are seeking.

Want to be included?

THESE ARE THE RULES.

Send an email to me at stephanie.ann.lloyd (at) gmail (dot) com and include the following:

1. A professional headshot.

If you send me a picture of yourself with your cat or your kid or your award-winning pumpkin you will not be included.

2. Your desired job title.

ONE.

If you say something like, “I want to be a fire fighter or a CFO or a zoologist or a ninja” you will not be included.

Figure out what you want to do. If you could get an interview for an actual job, what job would it be?

And list that.

And if you say “I’ll do anything!” I will permanently block you from my blog, Facebook, Twitter, and all of my email accounts. It will be like you don’t exist.

Seriously.

3. One paragraph containing no more than three sentences detailing your professional experience as it relates to the opportunity you are currently seeking.

Read that again.

If you copy and paste your resume into this thing you are 1-800-BLOCKED.

4. The answer to ONE of the following questions:

  • What is the most efficient way to sort a million integers?
  • Imagine you have a closet full of shirts. It’s very hard to find a shirt. So what can you do to organize your shirts for easy retrieval?
  • In a country in which people only want boys, every family continues to have children until they have a boy. If they have a girl, they have another child. If they have a boy, they stop. What is the proportion of boys to girls in the country?
  • Design an evacuation plan for San Francisco.
  • You’re the captain of a pirate ship, and your crew gets to vote on how the gold is divided up. If fewer than half of the pirates agree with you, you die. How do you recommend apportioning the gold in such a way that you get a good share of the booty, but still survive?
  • What is the probability of breaking a stick into 3 pieces and forming a triangle?
  • Why are manhole covers round?
  • How many golf balls can fit in a school bus?

5. Links to your LinkedIn page, website, social resume…whatever it is that you want to be included in your profile to demonstrate your professional experience and expertise.

If I do not include one or more of the links you sent me in your email it is because I do not think it benefits you professionally. Just FYI.

6. How can people find you?

Include any contact information you feel comfortable giving out.

And, with that said, use discretion, because I am busy and once I post your info I am not changing it under any circumstance. So if you choose to give out your phone number, be prepared.

Period.

And if you send me an email address that is along the lines of cr33pybusman@aol.com or hot4you@yahoo.com or sexaythang@hotmail.com, NO, I am not listing it.

ONE MORE RULE

If you stalk me you will not be included. This means, send me your email based on the aforementioned outline of the profile I want to receive from you and do not call, text, tweet, DM, Facebook message, IM, mail or Fed Ex me a letter, send me a balloon bouquet, box of chocolates, flowers, or gift card to Ann Taylor, or email me to ask me if I got it or if I will profile you etc.

If you do any of the above: NO.

Except for maybe the Ann Taylor thing…

FINAL THOUGHTS

I have reasons for requesting exactly what I have laid out above.

I want to make you look good!

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will totally get it.

If you are not, well…may the force be with you. ;-)

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I talk to people every day about the importance of managing their online image / reputation / brand. Whether you are looking for a job or would like to keep the one you have this is critically important for your career.

Cartoon by Hugh

Cartoon by Hugh

This morning I came across this fantastic blog post on JobMob called 200+ Resources and Tips To Help Manage Your Reputation Online: Everything you need to manage your reputation online and get to any nasty Web surprises before they get to you.

In this post Jacob Share asks What should you be tracking?

Most people will only want to track their full name (in the format “firstname lastname”), but there are other things you might want to watch as well:

  • Web pages where you posted your resume, portfolio or other online work
  • Any products that you take credit for in a resume or portfolio
  • Companies that you’re researching in a job hunt
  • People you might soon work with or for
  • Major players in your industry
  • The job market in your industry
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This is part of an ongoing series in which I’m answering questions from job seekers. Please post your questions in the comments section below to be answered in future articles. Please include your name and location if you want to be addressed by name; otherwise the question will be attributed to “Anonymous.”

Cartoon by Hugh at gapingvoid.com

Cartoon by Hugh at gapingvoid.com

Stephanie,

I have a fresh question for you! I was reviewing employment opportunities on [a well-known website.] To contact a recruiter, this site suggests the following message as an example:

Hi Recruiter,

You and I may be able to help each other out. I’m a top-performing sales professional with 15 years experience in the semiconductor space in the southeast. I’m a senior-level professional who is just as comfortable running the show as getting my hands dirty. I’m looking to develop new markets and drive a quota-busting team to succeed. I hope to hear from you soon and look forward to working with you.

Best, Cheezy Desperate Job Seeker

Due to a recruiter’s workload, shouldn’t one’s message be a bit more truncated? What type of message would pull you in to view a resume?

I hope all is well with you!

Respectfully,

Kevin J. Acker, MA, Owner/Principal, Panoptic Consulting Group
Duluth, MN

§   §   §   §   §   §

Hi Kevin,

I’m glad you asked because that message is hokey and recruiters do NOT like hokey. The people who would send that message with their resume are the same people who would print their resume on blue paper with bunnies and MAIL it to a recruiter and I do not recommend doing any of those things.

I prefer a courteous and brief introduction: how did you find me/my firm, why are you contacting me, what do you want to do in your next job, and are you willing to relocate.

This way I can review the resume against current openings and see if I have anything for that person at the moment. If I don’t, but I’m impressed with the candidate, I’ll ask them to touch base with me once a month so that I can keep them in mind as new opportunities arise.

Hope this helps!

Stephanie

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Last month I wrote a commentary about a blog post by @TheBloggess, 25 things about twitter that are pissing me off.

Well I have a few of my own.

Cartoon by Hugh at gapingvoid.com

Cartoon by Hugh at gapingvoid.com

Twitter is a noun not a verb. If you say “I’m Twittering” one more time you’re fired. I MEAN IT. And just because Twitter is a noun it does not mean that you can say “I sent you a Twitter.” IT IS A TWEET. You send a Tweet on Twitter. Get it straight. When you update your status on Facebook do you say that you’re Facebooking? When you write on someone’s wall do you say “I sent you a Facebook?” It makes me want to mail you a letter and then call you and say “I just sent you a Post Office” so that I can fully illustrate just how stupid it sounds.

Also do not ask someone if they Twitter so they will think you’re one of the cool kids. You’re not and you sound  just as silly as when you said “I sent you a Twitter.” Please refer to the Twitter Dictionary because you obviously need a remedial class.

Stop stalking people on Twitter. If you have to reply to every single thing that someone says on Twitter they think you’re creepy and if they haven’t already blocked you they are going to right now. Stop it.

NO MORE AUTO-DMs. I am drop-dead serious. This means you. All of you. It is so offensive it should be illegal. If I were a hacker after I used my superpowers to disable all quizzes in Facebook I would use them to disable Auto-DMs in Twitter. Yes I realize that @TheBloggess and I have already said this time and again but apparently we have to repeat it until the end of time because YOU KEEP DOING IT.

Stop sending out meaningless neverending #FollowFriday lists. And stop telling us to follow people you’re not even following. Yes we are on to you.

And stop retweeting other peoples’ #FollowFriday lists. Are you really so lazy and unoriginal that you cannot even come up with your own.

Stop telling us what you are eating. And what you ordered at Starbucks. And what the score was in your kid’s Little League game. And which paw your cat is licking right now. 1-800-NOBODY-CARES.

“Get 100 new followers a day with http://www.tweeterfollow.com/” <— How about BE INTERESTING. Yes, you can actually gain followers this way. A novel idea!! I know!! I have applied for a patent. Oh and also nobody cares how many followers you have or that you “gained” in the last hour so shut up.

#Spymaster. Stop trying to ruin Twitter and go back to Facebook. RIGHT. NOW.

Oh.

And.

STOP FOLLOWING AND UNFOLLOWING US. We can see you doing that.

One word.

Tweepler.

Not only am I not going to follow you because I can tell how annoying you are without even looking at your Twitter stream I am going to block you.

You’re blocked.

Good luck with your childish antics and your spam. Maybe the six-year-olds on MySpace will like you.

Now I know you have some Twitter pet peeves. Everyone does! What are they?

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Stop and think before broadcasting every detail of your life on Twitter.

June 9, 2009

Thanks to @TimMoore I stumbled upon this article this morning which serves as an excellent reminder that we have to be very careful about what we broadcast via social media.
“Here’s either a cautionary tale or an example of social-media paranoia. An Arizona man believes that his Twitter messages about going out of town led to a [...]

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The Devil really does wear Prada, Part II

June 6, 2009

In The Devil really does wear Prada I shared some of Evil Boss Lady’s awesome rules. Working for her was kind of like in the movie Psycho only more rabid and scary.
Also if you are reading this then the hitman that Evil Boss Lady has surely hired by now to kill me must not have found me yet.
And if you [...]

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The Devil really does wear Prada

June 6, 2009

A lot of people are blogging about their first jobs these days. I’m going to tell you about my worst. job. EVER.
Actually, the job itself was great. I loved what I was doing and I loved my clients and co-workers.
There was just one problem.
And it was a big one.
Evil Boss Lady.
I know what you’re thinking.
Oh come [...]

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If you needed a 3 BR house and your realtor kept showing you 10 BR houses wouldn't that make you mad?

June 1, 2009

Thanks to a friend on Twitter I stumbled upon this blog post this morning. It’s addressed “Dear Recruiter” and it is a complaint about recruiters not pursuing candidates who are “overqualified” for a job.
“I recently saw your posting for a (fill in the blank) Manage position and have submitted my resume for consideration.  Unfortunately, it [...]

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What *not* to do if you want to get a job or keep the one you have.

May 22, 2009

10. Not a good idea to have a profanity filled rap song as your message on your cell number. You’ll offend most hiring managers. via @DarrylRMSG
9.  Saying how “bored to death” you are at your job on Facebook = red flag for [current and] prospective employers! via @peopleshark
8. Do *not* use e-mail addresses such as [...]

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Want to get the job? Don’t make people hate you by stalking them.

May 17, 2009

Several months ago Miriam Salpeter of Keppie Careers interviewed me for her Examiner column. One of the questions she asked is “When does “follow-up” become stalking?”

A candidate emailed his resume to me on a Tuesday and called five seconds later “to be sure I’d received it.” He said that he wanted me to “find him [...]

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Q: “What type of job are you looking for?” A: I’LL DO ANYTHING.

May 16, 2009

This is part of an ongoing series in which I’m answering questions from job seekers. Please post your questions in the comments section below to be answered in future articles. Please include your name and location if you want to be addressed by name; otherwise the question will be attributed to “Anonymous.”
“I’ve read recruiters do [...]

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75 reasons you didn’t get the job

May 9, 2009

Wondering why you didn’t get the job? It was probably because:

You’re not qualified.
You’re overqualified.
You’re qualified but someone else was more qualified or a better fit.
You wore too much cologne / perfume.
You smelled [...]

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