Cartoon by Hugh
For several years I worked as an account manager managing rewards programs for major banks, retailers, and credit card companies.
I was hired in to the company at a VP level, and my first day there I met the SVP who managed the company’s call center operations. She took the initiative to introduce herself to me and seemed interested in getting to know me. We had a great conversation. I thought I was really going to enjoy working with her.
WAS I EVER WRONG.
I was still learning the ropes in my new job when I realized that Ms. SVP was seriously determined to bring me down.
She took every opportunity she could to call me out publicly – in front of the entire executive team – including our President and CEO.
She would send out these mass emails accusing me of blowing up just about anything and everything related to my clients and the call center.
And my boss was no help! Before I’d even see the emails he would have already replied to ALL and basically asked me what the hell was wrong with me.
Really really great working conditions.
Fortunately, I had my sh*t together – and fortunately, she was usually wrong. Most of the time it was a case of Ms. SVP taking something she heard from one of her reports and getting it all twisted around.
So, I would be forced to reply to all since she and my boss had now accused me of being a complete idiot in front of our executive team, lay out the facts, and set everyone straight.
I did finally have a talk with my boss and asked him not to reply to her nastygrams until I’d had the chance to read them and respond, which helped a little…
The day Ms. SVP got fired and escorted out I remember thinking ding dong the witch is dead!
Terrible, I know. But seriously.
I guess I’ll never know what her motivations were…did she just not like me? Did she feel threatened by me for some reason?
Maybe she had a mental problem. Maybe she was dropped on her head at birth. Or maybe she is just a mean, hateful person.
Whatever it was, she was toxic, and it ultimately cost her the job.
Yesterday I came across this article addressing women bulling women in the workplace. “A private accountant in California says she recently joined a company and was immediately frozen out by two women working there. One even pushed her during an argument in the cafeteria, the accountant says, noting, “It’s as if we’re back in high school.”
One reason women select other women as targets probably is the assumption they will find a less confrontational person or someone less likely to respond to their aggression with aggression. Some leadership specialists speculate women are “overly aggressive” because there are too few opportunities for advancement. Or is it stereotyping, and women only are perceived as being overly aggressive? Is there a double standard at work?”
What’s up with women being bullies at work?
Ms. SVP was not the first I’d encountered.
Is it, in fact, that there are just a few slots open and we all have to fight for them?
“We believe a sense of pride in women’s accomplishments is important in getting women to help one another,” Ms. Lau says. “In the workplace, however, it is unlikely women will constantly think of themselves as members of one group. They will more likely see themselves as individuals, as they are judged by their performance. As a result, women may not feel a need to help one another,” she explains. “They may even feel that in order to get ahead, they need to bully their co-workers by withholding information like promotion opportunities, and that women are easier to bully than men because women are supposedly less tough than men.”
“The time has come for us to really deal with this relationship women have to women,” says Klaus, “because it truly is preventing us from being as successful in the workplace as we want to be and should be. We’ve got enough obstacles: we don’t need to pile on anymore .”
I don’t know about you, but my attitude is that if we help one another we all rise together.
Have you encountered female bullies in the workplace? What do you think are the motivations behind this behavior, and what is the best way to deal with it?
I want input on this issue.
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My wife has made the comment in the past about her working for women. Says that with one excpetion the women she has worked for are so over bearing to prove that can out do the “boys” they are bitchy and backstabbing. Or the opposite: They are simply window dressing happy to comply with anything.
Interesting! So there are some stereotypes going on here then.
Also sounds like some insecurities and self-esteem issues, to me…
I just asked a similar question on twitter – In business, “When a woman acts like a man, why can’t she act like a nice man?” Whose fault is that, the woman’s or the man’s?
It seems that women in the workplace have come of age and some of them managed to pick up all of the worst behaviors of their “male oppressors”. Stephanie, the only way to prevent this from becoming epidemic is to do what you did: call out the bad behavior when you are the victim and make sure that your own performance is wrapped tight.
LOL… “When a woman acts like a man, why can’t she act like a nice man?”
Amen!
I had one female supervisor in particular who constantly belittled and bullied me in front of coworkers and people I supervised. She was like this from day one. I never could figure out why she treated me this way, maybe it was because I let her. Anyway, I ended leaving the job after 3 months. The next person to take the position stayed for a little over a year.
Managers like that can’t keep employees around for obvious reasons. If a manager has consistently high turnover in their group, senior leadership should be looking in to that…
This is a workplace issue; this is not a woman-to-woman or Hispanic-to-Hispanic or WASP-male-to-WASP-male issue. There are good people and bad people. There are good managers and bad managers. Why is this specific to women… “The time has come for us to really deal with this relationship women have to women” Why isn’t the question more along the lines of “…really deal with the relationship people have to people”? Is there a women-to-women club rule that mandates women are to be nice to each other but not nice to men?
If the “time has come for us to really deal with this …” comment had been phrased as WASP-male to WASP-male, the universe would have been up in arms demanding sensitivity training and god only knows what else.
Gender or ethnicity does not make a person a better manager nor does that make them a worse manager. For each black female or white female or black male or white male bullying manager, there are examples of excellent managers. We are individuals. Some are good. Some, not so good.
The question should be, Does this person have talent? Can I help develop that talent? Who has the best potential to do the job and lead the team( group, division, etc)?
Klaus’ question, Is this a woman? If yes, then I should be nice.
The wrong question.
The wrong focus.
The workplace is poorer for Klaus’s narrow-minded focus.
Look for the content of their character, not to see if they are in an exclusive club.
Interesting commentary, Terry. When I read the article I did not pick up on any reference to race or religion; I thought the discussion was strictly about women.
Thanks for your comment!
Hi Stephanie:
I remember my mother coming home from an exceptionally bad day at work when I was about 10 years old. When I asked her what was wrong, it had to do with her female, not-so-nice boss. At the end of her rant, I asked, “why does she act that way?” To this day, my mother’s response has been stuck in my head. “Because people have to have power somewhere in their lives. If they don’t have it at home, they have to have it at work.”
My mother recounted meeting this woman’s husband at a company holiday party, and when said boss was in his presence, she was a mouse. In my early career, I worked for a very similar person, and I remembered my mother’s words. It didn’t make it any more pleasant to deal with, but in some way, it made total sense. What do you think?
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