It’s 4:20 a.m. and for the second night in a row I’m tortured with insomnia. The one good thing about insomnia is that it gives me a chance to catch up on reading my favorite blogs.
I read Penelope Trunk’s recent blog post How to divorce new-millennium style (and I love Kate Gosselin) and it gave me the courage to finally admit right here on my blog that I too love Kate Gosselin.
I have watched Jon & Kate Plus 8 from the very beginning, starting with their two one-hour specials several years ago.
I love that family.
I’m not at all happy with the way that Jon has been acting lately – I think he has completely checked out of his marriage and would clearly rather party like he’s in college again than put any effort into attempting to repair his marriage – and I absolutely hate that Jon and Kate’s relationship has gone so far off the rails that they are in process of dissolving their marriage.
With that said, I love, love, love the Gosselin kids. Well, I don’t know them, obviously, but I do love watching them grow up and I think they are turning out to be really great kids.
People have always been so hard on Kate, and now on Jon too. What I hate the most is when people say that they are bad parents. I’m not a parent but I have parents and I know first-hand just how hard they have worked all my life to help me learn and grow and be independent, and I just don’t see how anyone can look at how happy and healthy the Gosselin kids are and say that Jon and Kate are bad parents. That just doesn’t happen by accident.
The Gosselins did not set out to have a reality show or to endure any of the things that have come with it. Discovery approached them to do the first hour-long special, and it was so popular that the next year they asked them to do a follow-up and things just took off from there. And, just like Penelope Trunk I sincerely admire Kate for grabbing on and doing anything and everything that she can possibly do to provide for her eight children.
Remember; they have eight kids to put through college; potentially six at the same time! And, five of their eight children are girls so there will presumably be many weddings to pay for.
Yes, Kate has to be away a lot for what has become her job.
Newsflash.
A lot of people travel a lot for their work. And yes, even when they have kids at home!
The horror.
Some jobs require more travel than others. It’s a part of life.
When I was very young my dad traveled all the time. He was away many, many nights – and, my mom was always there when he wasn’t! Call me crazy but I don’t think I am scarred because my dad had to travel for his job.
Guess what.
You know what I’m grateful to my parents for? Well, first and foremost their unconditional love.
And, I’m forever grateful to my parents for their never-ending willingness to make the sacrifices necessary for my brother and I to be able to live in nice homes in safe neighborhoods and so that we could go to good schools and be clothed and fed and never have any real worries and that we could do fun, extra-curricular things like (in my case) gymnastics and tennis and swimming and track and cross-country – and so that we could both do fun things with our friends and go to college.
And, just like my parents, Jon and Kate have worked it out so that one parent is always home with the kids.
And, now that they are splitting up, rather than shuffle the kids back and forth like many kids I grew up with, myself included after my parents split up, the kids will stay in the house and Jon and Kate will take turns living there with them. It will be much, much harder on Jon and Kate than it will be for the kids; and really, since they are so used to Kate being away at times for work and Jon being there with them when she’s out of town it might not even feel all that much different to them.
I identify with Kate because she has a Type A personality. So do I.
She is hyper-organized. So am I.
She is a germaphobe. SO AM I.
And I can assure you that if I had one child let alone eight I would be even more ridiculously organized because that is the only way I know how to cope with chaos!
So, on many levels I get Kate.
I admire Kate because she does what she thinks is best for her kids and when it comes to those kids she has incredible resolve and she pushes forward to ensure that they experience as much fun and enrichment and joy as possible and that their lives are negatively impacted as little as possible by whatever may come their way.
Is she perfect? No.
Is Jon perfect? No.
Are YOU perfect??
No, you’re not.
And I know I’m not either and I have yet to meet anyone who is.
In her blog post Penelope wrote about Kate “…I think she is an anthem [an anthem!] to Gen X women. She has taken charge of her career, and she has a job that accommodates her doing what she’s good at, and her making time to take care of kids. She’s an homage to the fertility mess Gen X has found itself in. She an homage to the fact that Gen X — not Gen Y — is the first generation to manage their children’s online identities, and she’s handling the issues with flair. And Kate is the quintessential Gen X mom getting post-baby plastic surgery.
I love that she has a husband who is fun and cute and not a demon but yet, the marriage still isn’t working out, because that’s what life is like. It’s not good and bad. It’s messy, and Kate’s figuring things out. Gen X is great with messy.”
How about this.
Why don’t we stop being so judgmental and start being a little more open-minded and supportive. As we continue to push forward we’re going to see more and more people and parents choose increasingly non-traditional ways to support their families and it would benefit all of us to embrace and support and be helpful rather than judge and criticize.
Plenty of people work in dangerous jobs that take them away from their families for days, weeks, and months on end such as coal miners and pilots and soldiers and firefighters and I don’t hear anyone railing against them despite the fact that they knowingly and willingly risk their lives – and therefore significantly risk negatively impacting the lives of their families.
In fact, they are often called heroes.
I choose to see the good in Kate Gosselin and I hope you can too. I think if you really watch and open your mind a bit you just might learn a few things from her.
