How to win friends and influence people online

Thanks to @PerryBelcher I stumbled upon this article this morning: 10 simple ways to show kindness online by Brett Borders on Social Media Rockstar.

Cartoon by Hugh

I think this is an excellent post and it reminds me very much of one of the first books I read after graduating from college, How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

In Part 2 of his book Dale lists Six ways to make people like you:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

If you think about it, the very same principles apply online.

In his blog post Borders writes “Some of the top social media “rockstars” come across as incredibly nice people. They’ve cultivated a conscious, polished online interaction style that makes other people feel included, welcome, important and appreciated. An “aura of awesomeness” is crowned upon them, in part, because their fans feel good after interacting with them.”

Think about the people you enjoy following and connecting with online. Would you say that this is an accurate description for many or even most of them?

I know that I would and in fact several people immediately came to mind as I read that.

Several of Borders’ tips that I embrace wholeheartedly:

Say it with a smile.

You can add a emoticon, or emotion icon, to almost any statement and make it seem more positive or expressive. You don’t have to start typing like a Japanese schoolgirl who’s obsessed with Hello Kitty , but if you find the occasional place where you can add some positive vibe your Tweet or IM with a smile, go for it. =)

Praise and show affection.

Everyone responds well to sincere praise. Telling someone “Nice blog!” or “great question!” or “You rock!” usually creates a warm, fuzzy feeling on a cellular level.

Respond to everyone.

Anytime someone reaches out to you by name, it shows they’re thinking about you and trying to make a connection. As the size of your network starts to grow, it becomes exponentially harder to respond to everyone who mails, comments or replies to you – but you should still try to respond. You can save time by talking to multiple people in @replies, and responding to comments & unsolicited e-mails very briefly… “Thanks for writing. Gosh, I have no idea how to fix that problem… Best of luck!”

Express your appreciation & thanks.

Thanking people for little things like e-mailing you, retweeting you, inquiring about business, or even asking a question — is an easy way to brand yourself as a gracious, approachable person. Power users like @cheth, @sharonhayes and @zaibatsu have built up large, responsive followings — in part — by thanking people.

Make other people look good.

Everyone wants to be around someone who highlights the good works of others. You’ll create a strong bond with the person who is recognized and it makes you seem like a chivalrous ‘good guy’ to others. Win win.

Help other people “get it.”

“Want big points in my book? Be the person who helps a community of others get it, too,” says Chris Brogan. Offer to freely help other people figure out technical challenges or “learn the ropes” on a new site or service – and they will feel chock full of gratitude every time they see your name or avatar. They’ll be sure to help you next time you need it.

Avoid negativity, hostility, criticism, and snark.

It can be tempting to take a quick dig at someone you disagree with or slam something that seems wrong. You might score a few points from sympathizers, but others — who probably won’t speak up – will unconsciously associate you with negativity. They’ll begin to see you as crank or bad-mouther who isn’t safe to trust or connect with. Think before you hit “send” or “enter.”

To read the blog post in its entirety click here and remember to play nicely in the sandbox!

You’ll be glad you made the extra effort. I promise.